A little re-design!

I’ve been frustrated with the layout and design of my blog for a while but finally got a few minutes to sit down and play with it. So, here you go. Simple redesign that’s hopefully a little easier on the eye.

Trying to go “no-poo.”

No, not constipation, sillies!

No shampoo!

I’ve read about this for a while but finally got around to trying it this weekend. I had suggested it to a friend who said she couldn’t find a shampoo that didn’t make her head itch like crazy. She’s been raving about it for a few weeks, so I gave it a whirl.

Gotta say, a little baking soda and vinegar does a lot more cleaning than I would have thought!

I’m trying these directions:
http://simplemom.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo/

I may skip the vinegar tomorrow or use less of it. I know I’ll have a transition period where my scalp is overproducing oil, but so far it’s not bad. I think I’ll be ok going to work like this tomorrow even (maybe with my hair in a ponytail, though.

I really don’t think shampoo is poisoning me, but my head does itch a lot. I figure cutting out as many irritants in my life as possible is always going to be a healthy thing (don’t worry, we’re keeping the cats anyway.)

I’ll keep you posted! If the transition period is too much, I might start shampooing again and try this again this summer (nobody cares what I look like in the summer when school’s out.)

Another month, another surgery…

This is getting kind of old!

I had a call-in consult to talk to the RE today about the schedule for our FET planned for June. It’s a little complicated since I’m doing 3 months of the devil drug (Lupron Depot), and I wanted clarification on the scheduling. Also (and perhaps more importantly as I could have cleared up some scheduling questions with the nurses), I wanted to talk to him about the possibility of doing intralipids before my FET. I’ve been reading about immune issues and IVF failure/miscarriage HERE (blog of a RE at a well-known clinic), and I swear it’s like reading my reproductive history. Supposedly the intralipids don’t hurt, and they might help.

My REs concern with them is that my 2 hour glucose test had slightly elevated levels and an influx of calories (I don’t remember exactly how many, but it’s insane. It’s literally a giant IV bag of fat infused via an IV line) might have some interaction with that. He’s going to look into it more, though. He hasn’t used it, and it’s a new idea. I volunteered to be his guinea pig if he thinks it will help.

Before I could get to any of those questions, he started asking me about my pain levels. My AF this month was INTENSE. I was on the couch for 2 days with a heating pad and on Vicodin. I’ve also started having a dull cramping sometimes sharp pain throughout the month. I’ve been into their office 2x with this pain, and they think it could be cyst related (I had cysts, but it’s hard to tell what’s a big old bad cyst and what’s just part of normal ovulation, which is by nature cystic.) It could also be related to my endometriosis.

Lupron will take care of the small implants of endometrial tissue they can’t visualize well (which could still be screwing up my hormones). It will not, however, take care of larger adhesions like the one that was attaching my left ovary to the back of my uterus last year. There’s nothing to say those adhesions aren’t back (the last doctor said it was a good likelihood because they make things kind of “sticky.”

So he wants to clean it out again, despite being rather opposed to the idea of the annual “laporoscopy carousel” that many women with endometriosis seem to end up riding. If I had coverage for multiple IVFs or FETs, he’d probably go the less invasive route (I assume, he didn’t say that, but our conversation was hinged on the fact that we’re doing one FET and then we’re done.) But I don’t. So no messing around.

The new plan is a lap in March. Starting Lupron Depot as planned (but on February 22nd now because it’s more convenient for work, and I won’t have to take time off). FET still in June (probably towards the end of June, depending on my cycles.

I’m starting to feel like my job is going to think I’m one of those psychotic women who come up with random vague ailments so they can get surgery. At least, I’m having surgery about that often.

Can I get off the carousel after this?

You know what, though? If it gets me back here (well, maybe minus the IV), it will all be worth it.

I swoon just remembering those sweet little baby coos, the snuffling sound he made when he wanted to nurse, the warm feel of his body against mine, and don’t even get me started on the smell of his sweet head.

The plan is a go!

So I got to talk to a body today. Turns out my doc’s regular nurse has been out of the office, so somebody who probably doesn’t know my chart well was returning my call yesterday.

Anyway, we will start Lupron Depot on 2/19. Perhaps I should start a page called “crazy watch” that my husband can update for you (as I will have no objectivity. I’m sure crazy people think they’re all fine.)

I’ll have 3 months of that and then probably a few weeks of birth control pills. The cycle to start my FET will start late May, then a couple weeks of BCP, then probably a transfer around the end of June. That’s kind of exciting and freaky at the same time. Exciting because it could work…. scary because it might not and we’re probably at the end of the line.

I had to talk to the nurse about finding some sort of barrier birth control for the Lupron Depot cycles. I had to talk to her about it while I was in my office full of confirmed bachelors who would rather drink battery acid than hear me talk about my menstrual cycle.

The FET conversation was ok in code…the birth control conversation went a little less smoothly.

I said we needed something to try to avoid.
She said, oh, abstain?
No, I don’t want to abstain for 3 months, but I’m in my office full of people. Can you help me out with some suggestions from your end?

It turns out that fertility nurses aren’t so good at talking about birth control methods. It took like 10 guesses for her to get to diaphragm.

Anyway, appointments forthcoming. No more trying on our own. About to go all in. Again. Let’s just hope we get something out of it this time and don’t just flush it down my lame ass broken tubes again.

This is what we have on ice. (I assume we’ll do the 5AA and one of the 4AAs):
3BB–> Frozen
4AA–> Frozen
5AA–> Embryo Transfer (Cross that one off the list, we know what happened to it)
4BB–> Frozen
5AA–> Frozen
4AA–> Frozen
4AB–> Frozen
4BB–> Frozen

So hopefully 2 of these will make it to fruition soon.

I really love my RE, but…

I’m not a huge fan of his current nurse.

I left a message about the timeline to start Lupron Depot, as Dr. S had requested I do when I start my February cycle. Well, it so happens I’m on CD3 today, so February 1st was the day to call.

I also asked whether I needed to make an appointment to ask a bunch of questions about it and pursuing immune problems testing/treatment.

She had someone else call back who said she had ordered the Lupron and would let me know if it didn’t arrive by the 9th.

I’m suppose to come in on CD 19 for a progesterone test.

I don’t know what the progesterone test is for.

I don’t know if I start the Lupron that day or after my next cycle starts (ie is this cycle a bust or is it our last shot?)

I don’t know if I’m supposed to DO progesterone this month after I O.

I got no information about any of my questions about immune issues.

ARGH!!!!!

It’s 100% impossible to reach me on the phone during the day. My cell phone doesn’t work in the building. I share a phone with another teacher (and thus don’t want to have messages left there about my reproductive life, thank you.) I also share an office with 5 other people and can’t always talk about personal stuff (like when there are students or confirmed bachelors around who would faint at mention of the word “ovary”) I am not at home between 7am-4pm. I understand this is a PITA.

If I leave a really detailed message with a bunch of questions and leave detailed directions about how to reach me, it would be nice if you could say something other than “call me back if you have questions” because SHE’S NOT GOING TO EVER ANSWER THEIR PHONE BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER CALL AND JUST TALK TO THE PERSON YOU WANT IN A DOCTOR’S OFFICE!

God, this just sounds like it was written about me

I’ve been reading about immunological causes of m/c, IF and IVF failure.

I swear to God it’s like reading my personal history.

Since Autoimmune ID is often genetically transmitted, it is not surprising that it is more likely to exist in women who have a family (or personal) history of primary autoimmune diseases such as Lupus Erythematosus (LE), Scleroderma, clinical or subclinical hypothyroidism, Rheumatoid Arthritis etc. Reactionary (secondary) autoimmunity can occur in conjunction with any medical condition associated with widespread tissue damage. One such gynecologic condition is endometriosis.

From this article

From the same article

It is thus not unusual to find such couples going from having a baby together through a stage of repeated miscarriages to one of secondary infertility.

My RE has mentioned auto immune problems, and i want to pursue it further.

He has already decided I’ll be on steroids and antibiotics during my FET, but I want to ask him about intralipids and blood thinners as well.

It all just sounds too much like me to not think about it.

In the back of my head, I’m even thinking about a quick trip to Vegas for a consult with Dr. Sher at SIRM. Reading his blog has been so educational.

Owen’s picture of us

We got him a point and shoot camera for Christmas, which he LOVES.

This is the picture he took of us. I don’t know what he did to the settings, but I kind of like it

Getting increasingly nervous

One more month.

One more month of this new normal that is infertile me.

Once that month is over, I start Lupron Depot.

My “bad RE” at Kaiser was going to have me do 6 months of this without having definitively diagnosed me with endometriosis via a laparoscopy. Due to the extreme side effects and possible long-term consequences, I declined.

Now a little more than a year later, here I am again.

I’ll be starting it for 3 months instead of six, but it still makes me nervous.

The theory is that women with endometriosis often miss an enzyme (I think it’s an enzyme?) in their uterine lining called beta integrin 3. Lupron generally increases the presence of that lining, and it can help control implants outside the uterine cavity that may be screwing up hormone levels. It’s been a year since my lap, and I can feel that it’s back. Good old AF is getting NASTY again. My bowels are going nutso again.

Having read womens’ experiences with this, let me list a few of the less pleasant side effects I’ve read.

Depression (yes, I need MORE of this in my life.)
Mood swings (see above)
Weight gain–some 25 lbs in 3 months (awesome. So glad I’ve been working my butt off to lose weight lately. I was finally down to my “pre fertility treatment weight” but still could happily lose another 20)
Insomnia (yes, this sounds fun too.)
Night sweats/Hot flashes (this was one of the worst parts of the IVF drugs, so not looking forward to this either.)
Increased pain for the first few weeks b/c of surge of estrogen. (I already don’t have any days without pain, I need more?)
I won’t even get into the sexual side effects.

I just don’t want to. I miss being normal. I hate to think how this could effect my relationship with my husband, my son, my family. I don’t want to rip Owen’s head off for no reason. I don’t want to yell at him because I’m in a bad mood and he’s just being 3. I spent my whole life trying to avoid that.

I don’t want to lose control of myself.

I don’t want to lose myself.

One more month.

Maybe if I’m really nice to everybody for the next 30 days, they’ll forgive me the 90 after that.

Well that’s depressing…

I hadn’t counted how many cycles we’ve been trying because I knew it would be depressing. I was right. After this morning’s BFN (totally expected given I have no lining, but always disappointing even when you know it’s coming!), I counted.

Drum roll, please!

21!

3 IUIs, 1 natural Clomid cycle, 1 failed IVF. Many many months of timed intercourse with progesterone.

That’s a lot. Fewer than I would have estimated (it feels like it has been forever). Fewer than many have done. Many many more than I’d like to have under my belt.

I’m tired.

One more month to hope for a miracle before I got on Lupron Depot. Yeah, that will be fun. No sex drive. Vaginal dryness. Menopause. Bat-shit craziness. Hot flashes. Etc etc etc. Three months of that for me and my family to enjoy. I hope O and B still love me at the end. I hope I don’t get fired for abusing students.

With the unofficial blessing of the PA at my REs office, I’m going to try estrace suppositories until I O to try to build my lining. I have the drugs left over from my IVF (ordering screwup. Long story.) Why not? It won’t hurt, and at this point my chances are such crap that I may as well try.

Sweet.

To spin off the last post, won’t it be fun to suck another $5000-6000 out of our ever dwindling bank accounts.

Fuck my body.

The cost of health care

I’m really having a hard time getting over the idea that Massachusetts (which essentially HAS universal health care) got to have a referendum on whether the rest of us get to have it or not.

I paid $25,000 in medical bills last year (give or take–still adding it up.) No, not all of it was fertility treatments. That is INSANE to me. That’s more than I made in my first job out of college. Fertility treatments did at least boost our costs high enough to take the tax deduction (if you spend more than 7.5% of your annual income on medical costs, you can deduct the amount above 7.5% that you took.)

I wrote more here about why I think infertility should be covered. I probably wouldn’t have had surgery for endometriosis (costing my insurance company a whole lot of money), if the comparatively cheaper fertility treatments had been covered. I’d probably only put back one blast in June/July when we do our FET if that procedure were covered. Instead I’ll do 2 (to boost our odds) and hope like hell only one takes to avoid a twin pregnancy, generally a much riskier situation–often ending in expensive NICU stays.

Massachusetts, you can bite me.